Chatting someone up

Chatting someone up

Chatting someone up, whether it is in a bar, nightclub or supermarket can be a very daunting prospect. To make things easier to chat someone up, it is best of think of good “approach scenarios” and not cheesy chat-up lines that will in most cases fail. You need to try and create situations that will start a conversation and hopefully lead to more. Also, chatting someone up doesn’t have to be restricted to bars, parties and nightclubs, the supermarket or on the train or bus can also be great places to chat someone up.

Chatting someone up – The supermarket scenario

As an introduction to “approach scenarios” for chatting someone up we have to put together the “supermarket scenario” to give you an idea of what an approach scenario consists of. You can then take this scenario and modify it for your own needs.

To start with make sure you look good. Even though you are only going to the supermarket, it could be the day you meet your next date, so at a minimum look clean and tidy (see Style tips for dating for more tips). Once you get to the supermarket choose a trolley instead of a basket. If you do get talking you don’t want to be stuck holding a basket full of heavy products while you chat up your new-found friend. As you walk around the supermarket look at the trolleys of fellow shoppers and look for things that might suggest they are single, like a frozen ready meal for one.

To initiate a conversation a good approach technique is to ask a fellow shopper for some advice. The wines and spirits section of the supermarket is a good location for this. Maybe ask them for advice on wine, for example, “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, do you know if this wine would be good with pasta.” or “I usually drink white wine and I have friends coming to dinner who prefer red, do you know a good one?”. Always make sure you add something like “sorry to bother you” as it shows you have good manners.

The supermarket scenario – Advice for men

Remember to take it easy when approaching a woman who is alone as they might find it intimidating. If you feel your approach is unwelcome simply say you are sorry to have bothered them and move on. Women will tend to be more helpful and ready to assist you, but this alone doesn’t mean they are interested. You will need to learn the difference between someone who is interested and someone who is simply being helpful.

The supermarket scenario – Advice for women

The main thing to remember is men operate on a different level to women. If a man is attracted to you he will do anything to extend the conversation, so be prepared to have an exit strategy if required.

Chatting someone up – Matching the mood

When someone makes an initial impression about you, one-third of that impression will come from what you say and how you say it. Your tone, inflection and delivery will all have a bearing on this. It is a good idea to try your best to match your listeners’ mood, however, misreading their mood will probably kill the conversation before it has even begun. When you approach someone you will have to make a judgment about their mood very quickly. You will need to work out if they seem happy, quiet or bored and adjust your tone appropriately. You will also need to adjust your approach depending on the location, for example in pubs and clubs you can be more cheeky and flirt more than you can in the supermarket.

Chatting someone up – Top five chat up tips

The following are our top five “chatting someone up” tips.

  1. Avoid bad chat-up lines and try to focus on “approach scenarios” instead.
  2. Ask questions and show genuine interest.
  3. Learn to judge the mood of the person you are approaching and adjust accordingly.
  4. Never overstay your welcome. Learn to know either when to leave or when the other person simply isn’t interested.
  5. If you get a mobile phone number, send the person a text message instead of phoning as it means less pressure on both of you.

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